Trailer Park #3

Welcome back avid internet users, to the Trailer Park.

It’s been a while since I posted a new article, in fact, almost two weeks. So to correct the mistake I made of missing a week, I’ve decided that instead of just reviewing 3 trailers, I’m going to review 6. That’s right, 6.

But enough of the small talk, let’s get right to the trailers.

How Trailer Park works is simple, I give the embedded Youtube video of the trailer showcased for you all to watch and then at the bottom of the video, I display my opinion and then give it a rating based on our unique top of the line rating system:

Clean – A rating of Clean means this movie looks like a must see and you should definately give it a watch once it comes to theaters.

Decent – A rating of Decent means this movie looks okay, but it’s still a little sketchy and I recommend you wait for the reviews to come out before you pay for your ticket.

Dirty – A rating of Dirty, much like a trailer park itself means this movie looks absolutely horrid or is not interesting at all and I recommend you stay away from it.

Be warned, this is my opinion and my opinion only, do not criticize me if I bash a movie that you think looks promising.

So buckle up your seatbelts, break out the 6-pack and get yourself settled, your now entering the Trailer Park!:

#1 The Wolfman

[youtube PVKyeMQcUNY]

Response: I know Halloween is coming up and I could’ve saved this one for the week of Halloween but this was too good of a trailer not to show. I mean, wow. Way to start this article with a vaccine of adrenaline. This is a remake of the classic 1930′s horror classic of the same name from Universal Pictures and quite frankly, this is one of those movies that looks like it will be entirely faithful to the material. However, that’s not the only thing that’s likely to sell this picture, oh no. Universal has gone all the way and included an absolutely amazing cast of actors from Anthony Hopkins & Emily Blunt to Hugo Weaving and Benecio Del Toro as the Wolfman itself. Oh and here’s a little fun fact for you, the voice of the Wolfman’s howl will be none other than Gene Simmons of KISS. If that doesn’t want to make you line up already, then maybe your the one that should be barking at the moon.

RATING: CLEAN

#2 Edge of Darkness

[youtube qvRdGKxsmD8]

Response: That’s right, Mel Gibson is back, this time as a former detective trying to get revenge on the man who shot his daughter. Despite the cliche plot, this movie looks pretty interesting. I’m not familiar with any of the cast of this movie besides Mr. Gibson, so it’s really hard to give an opinion to this movie, the action looks great and this movie definitely raises a lot of questions about the plot. However, like I said previously, it’s really difficult to give an interpretation or opinion to this, it’s not bad, but it’s not something that captivates me to see it, if you are a fan of Mel Gibson and if you’ve been waiting for his return to the acting roots then I say give it a go, if your not one of those people, then just pass it.

RATING: DECENT

#3 The Spy Next Door

[youtube cPbKeZiqLYM]

Response:Much like Jackie Chan in this movie, I have to face with my toughest assignment yet, trying to figure out what looks good about this movie. This movie looks absolutely terrible in every sense and meaning of the word, I cannot begin to describe how sorry I feel that Jackie Chan, who is known as one of the greatest martial arts actors of all time is being reduced to having to do movies with George Lopez and Billy Ray Cyrus. However, another thing I like to point out is that this movie is a complete rip off of another movie called “The Pacifier” with Vin Diesel, right down to the “Secret Agent” plotline. I’ve never been really fair to movies directed to kids, but even this movie looks like it will make kids squirm in their seats.

RATING: DIRTY

#4 Dear John

[youtube r0fq5dd0C60]

Response: Dear John, please stop acting. Yours truly, Derek Donovan. While that may seem harsh to many of you, I have a reason behind this poorly constructed response. Channing Tatum is not a good actor, never has and never will be. All his characters are nothing more than bland and generic with no substance whatsoever. Mr. Tatum is nothing more than just a cardboard pin-up brought to life to encourage young teen girls to pay $8.50. With that out of the way, I have to say that not only is Mr. Tatum more wooden than a load of firewood, but there is absolutely no chemistry or aura around these two main characters at all. I also hate to see that a talented and gifted actor like Richard Jenkins has to waste his time with this hormonal teenage mess.

Rating: DIRTY

#5 The Twilight Saga: New Moon

[youtube tIbywmSvn1c]

Response: To clear my conscious fellow internet readers, I have something to get off my chest. Yes, I’ve read the first Twilight book and no I didn’t like it. It was just about one of the most bland, stupid and utterly boring novels I’ve ever read in my life. No more than just hype over the whole “Vampire” scene. However, because I know some of you have been wanting me to do this review, I will answer the call. To make myself clear once more, I’ve also seen the first movie and I have to say… it wasn’t bad. Not good, but not terrible either, although there were a few book to film translation errors, it was still pretty entertaining. By the looks of this movie, I think you have a better chance of putting a rufee in my drink and banging my head with a hammer just to get me to see this. Edward Cullen is possibly one of the most confused and conflicted characters in all of modern literature. No matter how many times he says “This is the last time you will see me” you know that this character changes his mind about Bella so much that he will probably see her again in the next 5 seconds! Talk about being predictable in every sense of the word. You may have swindled me into seeing the first movie Hollywood, but don’t think that you’ll drag me to see this one because your better off making a remake of Predator… Looks like I spoke too soon.

RATING: DIRTY

#6 Shutter Island

[youtube c4bznTvfP6k]

Response: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Shutter Island. From the looks of this film you may think this is another one of those generic Scorsece/Dicaprio collaborations that are more frequent than Edward Cullen’s indecisiveness (Okay, last time I swear). However, this trailer is absolutely mindblowing. Inspired by a book of the same name, this movie looks to be another masterpiece for Mr. Scorsece, with chills and thrills to make your spine pop right out of your back. I’ll be taking a trip to Shutter Island opening night.

RATING: CLEAN

Due to the amount of trailers I reviewed tonight, I decided there will be no RV to showcase this time around, but Halloween is just around the corner and you know that you’ll just want to take another visit to the Trailer Park… If you dare.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 22nd, 2009 at 7:02 pm. It is filed under Uncategorized and tagged with Art, Dear John, Edge of Darkness, Eugene, Oregon Voice, Pop Culture, Shutter Island, The Spy Next Door, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, The Wolfman, Web Exclusive. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.