Welcome back avid internet users, to the Trailer Park.
It’s been a while since I posted a new article, in fact, almost two weeks. So to correct the mistake I made of missing a week, I’ve decided that instead of just reviewing 3 trailers, I’m going to review 6. That’s right, 6.
But enough of the small talk, let’s get right to the trailers.
How Trailer Park works is simple, I give the embedded Youtube video of the trailer showcased for you all to watch and then at the bottom of the video, I display my opinion and then give it a rating based on our unique top of the line rating system:
Clean – A rating of Clean means this movie looks like a must see and you should definately give it a watch once it comes to theaters.
Decent – A rating of Decent means this movie looks okay, but it’s still a little sketchy and I recommend you wait for the reviews to come out before you pay for your ticket.
Dirty – A rating of Dirty, much like a trailer park itself means this movie looks absolutely horrid or is not interesting at all and I recommend you stay away from it.
Be warned, this is my opinion and my opinion only, do not criticize me if I bash a movie that you think looks promising.
So buckle up your seatbelts, break out the 6-pack and get yourself settled, your now entering the Trailer Park!:
#1 The Wolfman
Response: I know Halloween is coming up and I could’ve saved this one for the week of Halloween but this was too good of a trailer not to show. I mean, wow. Way to start this article with a vaccine of adrenaline. This is a remake of the classic 1930’s horror classic of the same name from Universal Pictures and quite frankly, this is one of those movies that looks like it will be entirely faithful to the material. However, that’s not the only thing that’s likely to sell this picture, oh no. Universal has gone all the way and included an absolutely amazing cast of actors from Anthony Hopkins & Emily Blunt to Hugo Weaving and Benecio Del Toro as the Wolfman itself. Oh and here’s a little fun fact for you, the voice of the Wolfman’s howl will be none other than Gene Simmons of KISS. If that doesn’t want to make you line up already, then maybe your the one that should be barking at the moon.
RATING: CLEAN
#2 Edge of Darkness
Response: That’s right, Mel Gibson is back, this time as a former detective trying to get revenge on the man who shot his daughter. Despite the cliche plot, this movie looks pretty interesting. I’m not familiar with any of the cast of this movie besides Mr. Gibson, so it’s really hard to give an opinion to this movie, the action looks great and this movie definitely raises a lot of questions about the plot. However, like I said previously, it’s really difficult to give an interpretation or opinion to this, it’s not bad, but it’s not something that captivates me to see it, if you are a fan of Mel Gibson and if you’ve been waiting for his return to the acting roots then I say give it a go, if your not one of those people, then just pass it.
RATING: DECENT
#3 The Spy Next Door
Response:Much like Jackie Chan in this movie, I have to face with my toughest assignment yet, trying to figure out what looks good about this movie. This movie looks absolutely terrible in every sense and meaning of the word, I cannot begin to describe how sorry I feel that Jackie Chan, who is known as one of the greatest martial arts actors of all time is being reduced to having to do movies with George Lopez and Billy Ray Cyrus. However, another thing I like to point out is that this movie is a complete rip off of another movie called “The Pacifier” with Vin Diesel, right down to the “Secret Agent” plotline. I’ve never been really fair to movies directed to kids, but even this movie looks like it will make kids squirm in their seats.
RATING: DIRTY
#4 Dear John
Response: Dear John, please stop acting. Yours truly, Derek Donovan. While that may seem harsh to many of you, I have a reason behind this poorly constructed response. Channing Tatum is not a good actor, never has and never will be. All his characters are nothing more than bland and generic with no substance whatsoever. Mr. Tatum is nothing more than just a cardboard pin-up brought to life to encourage young teen girls to pay $8.50. With that out of the way, I have to say that not only is Mr. Tatum more wooden than a load of firewood, but there is absolutely no chemistry or aura around these two main characters at all. I also hate to see that a talented and gifted actor like Richard Jenkins has to waste his time with this hormonal teenage mess.
Rating: DIRTY
#5 The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Response: To clear my conscious fellow internet readers, I have something to get off my chest. Yes, I’ve read the first Twilight book and no I didn’t like it. It was just about one of the most bland, stupid and utterly boring novels I’ve ever read in my life. No more than just hype over the whole “Vampire” scene. However, because I know some of you have been wanting me to do this review, I will answer the call. To make myself clear once more, I’ve also seen the first movie and I have to say… it wasn’t bad. Not good, but not terrible either, although there were a few book to film translation errors, it was still pretty entertaining. By the looks of this movie, I think you have a better chance of putting a rufee in my drink and banging my head with a hammer just to get me to see this. Edward Cullen is possibly one of the most confused and conflicted characters in all of modern literature. No matter how many times he says “This is the last time you will see me” you know that this character changes his mind about Bella so much that he will probably see her again in the next 5 seconds! Talk about being predictable in every sense of the word. You may have swindled me into seeing the first movie Hollywood, but don’t think that you’ll drag me to see this one because your better off making a remake of Predator… Looks like I spoke too soon.
RATING: DIRTY
#6 Shutter Island
Response: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Shutter Island. From the looks of this film you may think this is another one of those generic Scorsece/Dicaprio collaborations that are more frequent than Edward Cullen’s indecisiveness (Okay, last time I swear). However, this trailer is absolutely mindblowing. Inspired by a book of the same name, this movie looks to be another masterpiece for Mr. Scorsece, with chills and thrills to make your spine pop right out of your back. I’ll be taking a trip to Shutter Island opening night.
RATING: CLEAN
Due to the amount of trailers I reviewed tonight, I decided there will be no RV to showcase this time around, but Halloween is just around the corner and you know that you’ll just want to take another visit to the Trailer Park… If you dare.
Hello again avid internet surfers, this is Derek Donovan with another visit to the Trailer Park.
I apologize for the late post, I’ve been suffering from a very bad flu which lead me to leaving campus and heading back to my hometown of Beaverton, Oregon to recover. However, I expect to be back at University of Oregon sometime tomorrow.
Anyways enough about my misfortunes let’s talk about the trailers cause that’s what your reading this for right?
It is my belief much like the last edition of Trailer Park that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover but you can certainly judge a movie by it’s trailer and I have selected a few to showcase this week.
How Trailer Park works is simple, I give the embedded Youtube video of the trailer showcased for you all to watch and then at the bottom of the video, I display my opinion and then give it a rating based on our unique top of the line rating system:
Clean – A rating of Clean means this movie looks like a must see and you should definately give it a watch once it comes to theaters.
Decent – A rating of Decent means this movie looks okay, but it’s still a little sketchy and I recommend you wait for the reviews to come out before you pay for your ticket.
Dirty – A rating of Dirty, much like a trailer park itself means this movie looks absolutely horrid or is not interesting at all and I recommend you stay away from it.
Be warned, this is my opinion and my opinion only, do not criticize me if I bash a movie that you think looks promising.
So let’s dive right in!:
#1 The Tooth Fairy
Response: Wow, just.. wow. I don’t even know what to say, this trailer is so wrong in so many different levels that there is absolutely no way to perfectly describe the amount of pain that watching this trailer has given me, but I’ll give it a try anyways. This movie looks horrendous, abysmal, terrible.. Okay, I’m being too nice. Most people would give movies like this slack because it’s obviously made for kids but who in their right mind would take their child to see a movie like this! The Rock as a egotistical jackass of a hockey player turned slave to an apparent Queen of the Tooth Fairies aka Julie Andrews who punishes him for not believing in fairy tales and so goes to the extent of giving him wings and making him wear a Too-Too while being given Tooth Fairy gadgets from Billy Crystal?! Is Hollywood out of their minds? I mean, I’m just absolutely speechless. This makes The Game Plan look like Citizen Kane! You know what? I’m done talking about this, let’s just give this movie a DIRTY rating and let’s forget I even saw this. WOckcoakjhs
Rating: DIRTY
#2 The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Response: Now as many of you may or may not be aware, this was the last movie Heath Ledger participated in before his tragic death. Unfortunately, he never finished filming his role, thus why Jude Law, Johnny Depp and Colin Ferrell stepped in to play his many alter egos when he travels dimensions. Anyways, this trailer gets nothing but praise from me, this movie has excellent visuals and effects and an A-List cast of actors including Christopher Plummer (The Sound of Music) and the late great Heath Ledger. This is definitely a movie I will see and it’s not because this was Heath Ledger’s last film (Although it is a minor reason), it’s because this movie truly looks like a movie worth seeing.
Rating: CLEAN
#3 Toy Story 3
UPDATE: Trailer is now released on Youtube.
Response: This trailer is not released officially till Monday, so it’s not allowed on Youtube. But I was sneaky and found a site that shows the first legitimate trailer for the movie, so consider this a Trailer Park exclusive courtesy of Mr. Derek Donovan. Anyways, I’ve loved the Toy Story movies ever since I was a kid, in fact the original Toy Story was the first movie I ever saw in a movie theater and continues to be one of my favorite movies of all time. So to see a trailer for the 3rd movie in the franchise brings back a lot of memories for me, and I’m sorry if I sound bias but after looking at this trailer I’m absolutely psyched to see this movie. The concept of Andy growing into a fully mature 18 year old heading to college is almost parallel to what I’m going through and it’s something I can fully relate to. However, the visuals for this movie look much better than the previous movies given the advancing digital technology and I’m overjoyed that Tom Hanks and Tim Allen are reprising their roles as Woody and Buzz Lightyear. To me, this movie is a definite watch, not just because the original movie is so near and dear to my heart but because much like all of Pixar’s films, this movie looks like it will be a top notch piece of work and I’ll be first in line to see it.
Rating: CLEAN
The RV:
After looking at a bunch of this year’s trailers I narrowed it down to just one, The RV represents a trailer that was not released this week but is also not in theaters but shows excellence and superiority among other trailers and is a fine example of how a trailer should be made.
This Trailer Park’s RV is…
Avatar
Response: This is a trailer that has received mixed reviews from almost everyone, you either love it or you hate it. Frankly, I absolutely adore this trailer. I was one of those people that woke up at 7am on the day it premiered online just to watch this trailer and every time I see it, it reminds me of how much I missed James Cameron. This movie perfectly blends CGI, Live Action, Motion Capture Animation, Green Screen and Blue Screen into one holy grail of absolute beauty. This is definitely a movie I will see in IMAX 3D.
Well that’s all the trailers I have for you this week, don’t forget to log on next week for another visit to the Trailer Park.
Hello avid internet surfers, welcome to the Trailer Park. A new weekly blog showcasing some of the week’s best and worst trailers for movies coming to theaters.
While I understand you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, you can certainly judge a movie by it’s trailer and I have picked a select few to showcase.
How Trailer Park works is simple, I give the embedded Youtube video of the trailer showcased for you all to watch and then at the bottom of the video, I display my opinion and then give it a rating based on our unique top of the line rating system:
Clean – A rating of Clean means this movie looks like a must see and you should definately give it a watch once it comes to theaters.
Decent – A rating of Decent means this movie looks okay, but it’s still a little sketchy and I recommend you wait for the reviews to come out before you pay for your ticket.
Dirty – A rating of Dirty, much like a trailer park itself means this movie looks absolutely horrid or is not interesting at all and I recommend you stay away from it.
Be warned, this is my opinion and my opinion only, do not criticize me if I bash a movie that you think looks promising.
So let’s get started:
#1 A Nightmare on Elm Street (Remake)
Response: Normally, I’m not a fan of remakes.. Well actually, I hate them. However, looking at this trailer, it seems to look a little promising. The original movie released in the 1980’s and directed by Wes Craven, scared the living shit out of me, giving me nightmares for about a month.. I was 15. From the looks of this trailer though, it looks like they will be keeping the nostalgia that the original offered and it will stay true to the original movie. Although there are some moments that are questionable (What the hell did they do with Freddy’s iconic face?) everything else looks like it will pack a punch once released. I wouldn’t call this a remake, more like a reimagining, plus with James Earle Harley (Watchmen, Little Children) taking the helm that Robert Englund once held, this movie seems like it will appeal to it’s teen/young adult audience.
Rating: DECENT
#2 Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakuel
Response: God this trailer was absolutely painful to watch, why the hell are they making a sequel to that travesty that they called an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, the same movie that ripped the balls of my childhood and destroyed it with every single fiber of their being? It’s not their voices that annoy me (Although it still was painful to listen to) it’s the simple fact that these 3 inch little rodents are going to a HIGH SCHOOL populated with human beings, people that could squash their tiny little bodies with 1 single footstep! In the original series, the chipmunks were the size of children so it made much more sense and it was less awkward, but because apparently Hollywood has to make everything “logical” they reduced the chipmunks to a much smaller scale, funny? No. cute? Not so much either. The addition of the Chippettes (Their 3 alter/opposite gender egos from the TV series) is a plus, but it still does not save this movie from looking like an absolute mockery.
Rating: DIRTY
#3 A Christmas Carol (W/Jim Carrey)
Response: First off, let me tell you that I’m not exactly ecstatic that Robert Zemeckis has chose to make all his newest movies motion captured orgasms, while Polar Express was okay, Beowulf totally destroyed the original work and ever since, I have despised any idea that Mr. Zemeckis (who directed such classics as Forrest Gump and Back to the Future) had in store. However, with Disney leading the way and Jim Carrey starring not only as Scrooge, but all 3 of the ghosts, this might turn out to be a great movie. The movie has fantastic visuals and of course, it has Jim Carrey, who is one of my favorite actors. Can Disney conjure up a phenomenal version of the Charles Dicken’s classic tale? I’ll be buying a ticket to see for myself.
Rating: CLEAN
The RV:
In case you are wondering what the RV is, the RV is basically showcasing a trailer that didn’t come out this week but is also still not in theaters and caught my attention so impressingly that I just had to post it for you all to see.
This Trailer Park’s RV is…
Inception:
Response: If there were a definition for a movie trailer, this would be it. This movie trailer, unlike most others, does not give anything away and leaves people guessing. Also the fact that it’s being directed by the same guy who did The Dark Knight is also a major plus. With an all star cast lead by Leonardo Dicaprio, this movie looks like it will pack a serious wallop once the release date rolls around.
Well that’s all the trailers I have for you this week, don’t forget to log on next week for another visit to the Trailer Park.
Oregon Voice Magazine is paid for and produced by students at the University of Oregon. Our weekly meeting is on Wednesday at 6pm in Century Room E. Contributors are welcome.
