words JACK WASHER

According to the trailer, “A Dangerous Method” looked like a juicy historical drama dealing with a love triangle between Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, and some babe named Sabina, which would have been super kinky and awesome. Instead, all you really get is a film that is only slightly kinky and mostly just really long and winded deliberations about the theories of psychology. Despite the great performances by Michael Fassbender, Kiera Knightley, and Viggo Mortenson, David Cronenberg’s newest film about the beginnings of psychoanalysis falls short of accomplishing anything because I’m pretty sure nobody cares about psychoanalysis in the first place.

The film drops abruptly into the early 20th century where we are introduced to a heavily restrained and nearly frothing Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley) as she’s being dragged to receive treatment from an up and coming psychoanalyst, Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender). Spielrein makes a hasty recovery and it soon becomes apparent to Jung that she has a natural talent for psychoanalysis herself, and soon enough a romantic relationship ensues. Viggo Mortenson portrays a picture perfect Sigmund Freud, who acts as the guiding hand to Jung’s research and represents the patriarch to the fledgling branch of science. The film follows the course of their relationship as they pretty much make up study psychology as they go along, and the eventual souring of their friendship as their opinions shift on the matter.

Adapted from Christopher Hampton’s play, The Talking Cure, it seems to me that Cronenberg was far too interested with fitting in all the historical accuracies and not enough with making a film that actually engages the viewer. First of all, he is dealing with a plot that stretches over a decade, a time span that any director would have trouble fitting into a two hour movie. Secondly, he incorporates Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, and Sabina Spielrein as they begin to explore the depths of the human unconscious whilst simultaneously creating a new medical practice. Then to top it all off, Cronenberg explores the romantic entanglements between the straight-laced Carl Jung and masochistic Sabina Spielrein. Each tangent has its own fascinating dynamic, however, when presented hand in hand the end result becomes an overstimulating and uninviting story line.

It’s not that this movie is necessarily bad, its just that if you’re not already a psychologist or even a psych student there’s really not much to take away from it. If you’re like me (not a psychologist) then I would recommend you watch this movie for all it really can be to the layman: a period piece. The sets are nice, I assume all the costumes are accurate, and they talk a little different, but I doubt that’s really enough to rock your world.

Now playing at the Bijou Art Cinemas.

In an era of downloadable gratification, webcams, and the ability to mold the visual world to fit our own fetishes, are we more alone than ever before? What are the expectations for love now that our points of reference are derived from the infinite and ever-changing cyberspace and pop culture? Are we as a society heading to a place where love is broken down into its raw elements and commodified?

Heavy-handed, I know, but these are questions you’ll probably be asking yourself after seeing director Steve McQueen’s excruciatingly poignant “Shame” — a film centering around one man’s struggle with his sex addiction. Now before seeing this film, I associated that phrase with Tiger Woods and his tabloid saga two years ago. While some might pity him, it’s hard not to laugh at the spectacle of how far a perpetually horny man will go just for that quick fix.

But in the case of increasingly under-appreciated Michael Fassbender’s portrayal of Brandon, a rising star in the Manhattan white-collared world, the darkly comedic horn-dog hijinks come to a screeching halt when his vulnerable younger sister Sissy, played with equal impact by Carey Mulligan, arrives at his apartment in need of a place to stay. It is when we see Brandon in his failed efforts to shield his sickening lust that we realize how crippling this problem is. His spell leaves him incapable of any level of communication with people in his life, and his uncontrollable urges severely damage himself and everyone around him.

In effort to turn the page, Brandon tries going on a traditional date, but what ensues is a dinner scene reminiscent of a science fiction film, where beneath Brandon’s sleek exterior might as well be an emotionless robot, trying so hard to mold into humanity, but ultimately consumed by his own faults.  Fassbender is one of those rare actors whose expressionless face can say so much. He is perfect for this role.

Aside from Brandon and Sissy, arguably the third prominent character is New York City. This is not Woody Allen’s romantically chaotic Manhattan, nor is it Don Draper’s world from Mad Men. This feels much more honest — the New York with quiet nighttime sidewalks on side streets, unglamorous apartments with sterile lobbies, and corporate offices so flavorless that they might as well be located in Cleveland. Although this is a pretty raunchy film with an NC-17 rating, the simplified subplot of this film is mainly two individuals who went to New York to be In New York, and how the city has eaten them both alive.

What makes Shame so remarkable is that rather than stooping to provide narrative convenience to viewers who thirst for context, McQueen only gives us what we see. Not only do we not know the origins of Brandon’s problem, the details of his bizarre and questionably incestuous relationship with Sissy, but Brandon’s character doesn’t grant us cinematic retribution, because McQueen knows that’s all bullshit. Instead, at the film’s end we experience a moment or two that while small, could lead the protagonist elsewhere, but probably not. Such is life.

Shame opens at the Bijou Art Cinemas on Jan. 20.

Fast-forward about three months to Patterson and 13^th, on a normal Thursday afternoon. The sun was shining outside, but I made the choice to leave the sunny lawn in front of the EMU to embark in one of the most bizarre hour and twenty-five minutes of my life. I gave up sunshine for a chance to see A Town Called Panic at the Bijou Theater.

Here’s a loose plotline: Based off of an older kids “TV show” (I say this in quotes because it wasn’t exactly a full show, but rather a group of small clips), A Town Called Panic follows the lives of Cowboy (played by a gumball-machine cowboy figurine), Indian (an Indian figurine) and Horse (a horse figurine) as they live in this insane town. In the movie, Cowboy and Indian decide to build Horse a barbeque for his birthday, but instead of ordering the 50 bricks they need to build it, they accidentally order 50,000,000. Even though the party goes well, the bricks destroy the house and (practically) the rest of town. Horse, pissed about the whole event, gets Cowboy and Indian to rebuild their beloved house only to find that, after they fall asleep every night, weird water creatures are stealing their walls. So the rest of the movie is spent trying to get their walls back from the insane water creatures. Yes, this is the plotline. No, I’m not insane.

Annnnd here’s the preview:

Now I know you’re probably thinking I’m crazy for spending my time to see this movie, but to be completely honest: this was the best movie I’ve seen the whole year! It’s ridiculous, it’s nut-job insane, and it’s fantastic!

But I’ve been thinking… Stop-motion animation is really beginning to turn around again: late last year we had Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009), the classic story book retold by indie movie god Wes Anderson, and shows like “Robot Chicken” (on late at night on [adult swim]) are becoming more and more popular.

However, people tend to take this style of animation as a crazy person’s nightmares. And in a way that’s true. I mean, there are COUNTLESS numbers of terrifying claymations that just irk you in a creeptastic way.

When I hear people say this, however, I like to remind them of all the TV shows they enjoyed when they were kids. After all, back in the 90s, stop-motion animation was in practically every popular cartoon!

So, with this, I’d like to count down to my TOP FIVE favorite stop-motion animated kids’ shows! NOW WITH CLIPS!!

5. A Town Called Panic!

Now this, I realize, is a new addition to the list for (probably) everyone, but I think it deserves to be on this list. As I said before, the whole thing is made with plastic toys and consists of 5-minute shorts involving a variety of odd characters.

The show’s humor is a little strange, specifically because it is based out of Luxembourg, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hilarious!

I mean, come on! They get chased around by a freaking bear! Randomly! Great television is based off of this randomness.

Here’s, quite possibly, my favorite episode… which features my favorite character (Cowboy):

The humor is slightly dry, and the whole scheme of characters is a bit strange, but it still pertains my list at number 5.

4. KABLAAAAAM!

Now, the second you read this, most of you will probably have a nostalgic moment. After all, this TV show is one of those fun cartoons from the 90s that everyone seems to love and worship (including me!!).

But one of the most fun parts about this show is the concept that it takes what kids loved best and know and transfers it onto the screen.

I will forever love “Action League Now!!” which is one of the many stop-motion animated cartoons featured on the show. The premise of these 5-minute clips is that a league of bizarro superheroes (The Flesh, Thunder Girl, Stinky Diver, Meltman…) fought crime in a dangerous world. But it is all made with toys and action figures, and it looks like a kid was playing and putting them through these situations, much like a kid plays with Barbies or GI Joes. It’s stupid, but it’s hilarious!

In addition to this monstrosity of amazingness, the show features two other stop motion animated cartoons nearly every episode: “Prometheus and Bob” (the story of an Alien trying to teach random things to a caveman, except constantly getting foiled by a monkey) and “Life With Loopy” (the messed-up, crazy life of a young girl named loopy, told in the perspective of her brother).

“Prometheus and Bob” is just old school claymation (as seen below), but “Life With Loopy” takes an interesting turn by using a combination of drawings and clay. It’s awesome. Seriously.

Kablam! is one of the best 90s cartoons, and it really opens up this peculiar type of animation to mainstream audiences.

3. Bump In The Night

Okay, so this show may not be familiar to most of you, but goodness do I remember it!

Airing on ABC Saturday Mornings back in like 1994, this freaky-ass cartoon follows a green monster named Mr. Bumpy as he and his pals eat socks and terrorize the kid living in their room. “Terrorize” is probably the best word to describe this show!

I recently found a bunch of these episodes online (and surprisingly on DVD, too!) a few years back and, after watching them I realize now why I’m a little crazy. This show, while totally original, is like the mind of a really fucked-up teenager. I mean, Mr. Bumpy himself looks like he walked out of some freaky nightmare I might’ve had!

The weirdest part, however, is that this show is still enjoyable! The humor rocks, the animation (however much of a mind trip it is) also rocks, and overall it’s really cool (ignoring all of the sexual inuendos). It’s definitely something that I still enjoy, but I’m still shocked that I watched it as a kid!

It screams 90s, but pinch me if this isn’t a nightmare!!

2. Wallace And Gromit

Now this one is kind of a given, which is why it needs to be on the list.

Wallace and Gromit, for those of you who don’t know, is probably the second most famous example of stop-motion animation (after number 1 on this list), and has lived on through years and years of love and affection (in both Britain and America). The movies and clips follow a middle-age inventor and his loyal (and often reasonable) dog as they go to the moon, solve mysteries, and even defeat a giant “were-rabbit”!

These series of films started off with a basic, 30-minute short film about Wallace and Gromit going to the moon to find cheese. Now, about 20 years later, they have proven to be commercially successful: 2 of their 4 short films have won academy awards, a movie was made to further please kids in audiences around the globe, and they even have a video game! Wallace and Gromit is just too much fun.

I’ve been a fan since I was a child, and even though the humor is a little dated (and a bit bizarre, considering the fact that it comes from Britain) it still brings me joy to watch the shorts and even the movie (which I have with me here in my dorm room… yes I’m aware that it was made for little kids…). Besides the blatantly obvious sexual overtones in the movie (“What nice melons!”), the shorts remain fairly kid-friendly, and just too damn adorable.

Here’s a short short called “Shopper 13” (from their “Cracking Contraptions” series):

If that doesn’t make you smile, then what will?

Aardman is continuing to fund more Wallace and Gromit cartoons, but the company is also responsible for some of the best, stop-motion animated cartoons of the past 20 years: Chicken Run (2000), “Shaun The Sheep,” “Creature Comforts,” Flushed Away (2007), and even “A Town Called Panic.”

AND FINALLY, we come to the last pick, the master of insane kids animated series:

1. Gumby!

“He was once a little green slab of clay… GUMBY! You should see what Gumby can do today… GUMBY! He can walk into any book, with his pony pal Pokey, too. If you have a heart then Gumby’s a part of you *Doo doo doo doo doo doooooo*!!”

Yes. The mother of all WTF cartoons. Gumby.

Art Clokey, probably in some, crazed, drug-related… I don’t even know what…, came up with this little “clay boy” back in the early 50s. Those were the days! Gumby and his family would explore toy-land in grand detail, often stealing other toys or helping creepy-ass creatures find their true home. Yes, this was Gumby, the most epically awesome claymation features.

Gumby evolved over the years, as the generations became more and more “hip.” Clokey gave him a sidekick (Pokey, who was often the stubborn ass), and gave Gumby the ability to go inside of books. As the years went on, Toy-land was no longer an interest, so out with the old and in with the city-life of young Gumby. Now, he acted like a teenager: full of responsibility, while remaining naïve and curious. Then came his arch-nemesis’ “The Blockheads,” who said nothing but never failed to epically screw up any situation Gumby planned. Then came Prickle, the bitchy, yellow dinosaur, and what appeared to be Prickle’s girlfriend Goo, which was like a blue teardrop that could fly and shoot blue goo all over anything.

Gumby wasn’t what it used to be, and in fact it disappeared out of society for quite some time. Then, all of a sudden, the 80s arrived, and with it arrived a whole new, modern Green clay boy. Now, he was a detective and a rock star, all the while trying to keep his teenage self in line. There were creepy-ass people involved now (things that should probably hang out with Mr. Bumpy), and a spinoff movie (that’s rated one of the worst movies ever). It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t fantastic either.

Nickelodeon picked up Gumby and began to show older episodes from the 50s and 60s, which really helped us regain the dignity of watching GOOD episodes of the show. However, Gumby still lives in my heart, which, I guess, means he’s a part of me…?

PS: Is it just me or is it a little creepy that he apparently lives in your heart? Ewww

So there you have it. The best (and freakiest) stop-motion animated kids shows. There are so many others to choose from, but these stand out above the rest.

Looking back now, I realize why I’m so “weird.” Why did my parents let me watch this stuff? I guess we’ll never know.

Tell me, what are YOUR favorite stop-motion animations?